Java's Just Drivin' A place to talk about the joys of driving the S2000

New S2000 being absconded by my son.

Old 10-18-2011, 10:16 PM
  #41  
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Marioshi,

Thanks for the post. I will give you one piece of advice that will help you more than anything in raising a family.

Find a woman that loves you. I mean truly loves you. Love that woman back. Don't put her on a pedestal but do love her. Make certain that you are equally yoked. And then and this is the most important---Marry for life. Not til you are tired of it but for life. Kids need a stable environment all the way through their adult life.

Disposable families are ruining this nation.
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Old 10-19-2011, 05:04 AM
  #42  
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Originally Posted by tmv36830 View Post
All,

I cannot thank you enough for your thoughts and written statements in support of my son.

We as Taylor's parents have made it a point not to shield him from the public and have tried our best to teach him to ignore the insensitive people of this world. Unfortunately I sometimes cannot take my own advice.

I apologize if I came off a little strong on my response to TFRB.

Sincerely,

Thomas
No need to apologize. I actually thought you kept your cool. If it was me I would've....
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Old 10-19-2011, 10:30 AM
  #43  
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Originally Posted by Switchblade View Post
No need to apologize. I actually thought you kept your cool. If it was me I would've....
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Old 10-19-2011, 12:03 PM
  #44  
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Talking

Originally Posted by tmv36830 View Post
All,

I cannot thank you enough for your thoughts and written statements in support of my son.

We as Taylor's parents have made it a point not to shield him from the public and have tried our best to teach him to ignore the insensitive people of this world. Unfortunately I sometimes cannot take my own advice.

I apologize if I came off a little strong on my response to TFRB.

Sincerely,

Thomas
Thomas,

You are new here and will find that the vast majority here are in love with their cars and come here to learn, grow, clown around. It becomes an extended family of sorts and as in every family, there was a horse thief or problem child. THis family is no different.

Periodically someone comes in and stinks up the place. The apology should be directed towards you. I too am fairly new here and was welcomed with open arms from the get go. My knowledge of cars is fairly general and somewhat limited and the folks here have been beyond gracious in answering any question I have had. You have come to the right place to share your knowledge and love for our cars.

The internet has created some cyber-tough guys and while it's bad enough when "pigs don't know that pigs stink", it's really sad when they know and still hang out! Eventually they actually get a wiff of themselves and disappear. You have obviously come here with our common bond and I personally wish to welcome you and hope you'll stay for a long time to come. There really are some great people here, and don't let an a$$hole drag you down to his level.

But I would watch out for that guy that talks funny cause he's top dog and knows it!
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Old 10-19-2011, 12:18 PM
  #45  
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Originally Posted by Marioshi View Post
I love that picture! Nice left hook!
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Old 10-19-2011, 08:41 PM
  #46  
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Originally Posted by tmv36830 View Post
Charlie,

Thank you so much for your kind words and for the encouragement I get from someone like you that see's my plan for raising my children for what it truly is.

I as a child had the exact opposite of your up bringing. My father did not concern himself one bit about what his five children would do with their lives when they grew up. Funny thing is is I find myself struggling with trying to forgive my dad for all the things he didn't push me into doing (or atleast guiding me to do something and be great at it).

My dad just didn't want his children to bother him what so ever. We were not allowed to do much of anything, when we got old enough to get a job he wanted us to pay for room and board. It was almost like he was jealous of any successes his children might have had. I vowed as a child to raise my future children with both a verbal acknowledgement of my concern for their lives and a guiding witness of how I interpreted child raising. While both of our situations seem 180 degrees out, I think the end result was the same. We both long for acceptance from our parents.

On the other hand, maybe you should look at your situation from my stand point and you could see your way to forgiving your dad. Atleast your dad had enough concern for you to see that you were in a career field that would allow you to provide for your own family no matter the economy. I was so ready to leave my home when I became of age and get into a situation that I thought was positive, I moved out when I was 17, went to work, got caught up in that mess and never went to college. Now in this economy, I am paying for the lack of a formal education in a career field such as dentistry.

Retirement will never be in the cards for me, my wife will probably never know true financial relief (she will be able to retire though because she is a teacher), we will most likely never be able to afford to travel the world. So, find atleast a little solice in the fact that he cared enough.

My dad has been dead for five years now, I am 46 years old, and I continue to struggle with the lack of guidance, lack of a positive role model and quite frankly a lack of love.

I want my children to have a different experience.

Thanks for allowing me to ramble on.

Tommy V.

P.S. What type of car do you have?
Tommy,

Yunno, it seems that there can be a fine line between over parenting and under parenting. Please don't get me wrong, my Dad may have been right, but I would have liked to have stood up to him at times. On the other hand, he obviously wanted (from his perspective) the best for his kids. I was heading for college and didn't need to be persuaded in that area, just with my choice of careers.

Knowing what I know now, I could have been successful in any career that requires thinking in 3D. Dentistry, architechure, building.....etc. In high school, I loved drafting and mechanical drawing as well as wood shop. I have this tremendous desire to learn to paint and will do so as soon as my life settles down.

I had great interests in those areas, but was forced into the chemistry's, biology's, and physics classes which bored me to death. I just didn't like those subjects and they were monstrous, treacherous hills to climb that required much struggle and focus on my part to complete with the grade necessary to get into dental school. Can you imagine having to study something that didn't interest you? I believe that at times, I hated it. Once I got past all the 'ologys' and actually was doing dentistry, however, it was a little better.

What I've learned over the years is that I am a graphic learner and will do far better being allowed to watch rather than read in a book. I actually function out in my right brain much more efficiently than I do my left.

In the end, not being happy at what you do or will do for the next 30 years or so might not be worth the money. I believe that the best parents are those that plant seeds, water them and step back and "nurture" them. Neither of our parents did this. Mine stood over the seedlings and attempted to manipulate them to maturity by force, while yours scattered the seeds on the ground and walked away, allowing you to fend for yourself. Both results were hurtful.

Marioshi,

If you are still with us, my approach to my kids was to allow them to make decisions at an early age. It might be as simple as to allow them to make a choice over which candy bar, or what toy they might want. Look for opportunities to allow them to make choices and stay on the sidelines. Allow them to make mistakes at an early age when the consequences are not so great, so that they learn risk/reward... making a choice... and living with that choice.

tvm did just that with the vehicle, with which he specifically explained the rules well in advance. There was an infraction and not one whimper of excuse. Taylor knew he blew it and manned up to it! This is parenting at it's finest! Tough love if you will, but in the end, Taylor learned how deeply his dad loved him and honored him by living by the terms of the agreement without question. And he also knew in advance that his dad would not waver from the terms of the deal as I know for sure this same example had happened many times over the years on smaller, less dire stakes .

This style of parenting may someday be the difference between saying no to a gang, running the yellow light or deciding to drive drunk! By allowing them to make decisions over simple matters helps them learn to make better ones with the bigger choices later on in life.

After all, life is a collection of decisions that may alter the course of a life. We all must learn that those forks in the road have consequences and that our decisions can alter the direction of one's life dramatically! I am very pleased as my kids have all grown to be responsible and productive adults. Got one last one at Texas A&M for another year and a half, then I can put education to bed finally. I also am equally honored to have had this experience.

Thank you 'tmv'!

Last edited by Charlie Croker; 10-19-2011 at 09:05 PM.
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Old 10-19-2011, 10:26 PM
  #47  
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^^To which I can only add is that children learn from watching their parents. Parents are role models whether they know it, want it, or not. How parents interact with each other, how they interact with other people, how they deal with life's problems. All of this goes into a mental filing cabinet to be later used by the child for better or for worse.

When parents are absent, someone or something else becomes the role model. The breakdown happens when the wrong person becomes the role model or there is no one to be a role model.

The breakdown can be fixed, I know it because I did it. But at the price that I don't think I would want to be a parent.

Wisdom and strength to all who are parents!
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Old 10-20-2011, 08:36 AM
  #48  
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Thanks for the good advice all around.

...and of course I am still here!
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:47 PM
  #49  
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Success

Charlie,

I am thinking that if the dentistry thing and the band thing doesn't really pan out for you-from the personal fulfillment standpoint-maybe you should think about becoming a writer. You write and convey your thoughts very well.

I went back to the beginning of my thread and re-read what everyone has written and followed the path of how we got to the topic that we are currently on. Reading and commenting on peoples threads is kind of like people watching but by use of our immaginations. Any who, I was just defending my decision to allow my son to drive the S2000 not knowing that along the way we would be sharing differences in parenting techniques, forming bonds, opening old wounds, applying a balm and letting the healing process begin. Thanks

Now for the topic of my title. I stated in previous posts that I failed at getting a proper education, which I did, but I did get an education in the school of hard knocks. I decided at the beginning of my working career that I needed to be self employeed and so set out to own my own business. After many start ups and failures, I eventually hit on one that has afforded me a decent living since 2001. Along the way I have had many people tell me that I am successful to which I have always responded "hold that thought til my funeral, if I leave my family in a state of calm and financial wellbeing then I will accept those accolades". I have never wanted to accept that I have been successful. It just doesn't seem right because I did not pay my educational dues and because I do not count money as a true measure of a persons success.

Success to me is more predicated on whether my family, mainly my children, has learned to be their best, give it their all and lead when leading is necessary and follow when following is appropriate. I did however allow myself to feel a little successful tonight when I realized that my whole family was at a Casting Crowns concert. Not by my suggesting but by each family member on their on terms. Taylor took his girl friend. They went on their on with his buying their tickets. I did not even know he was going until we were leaving to go ourselves. My daughter took one of her girl friends from school who's father recently committed suicide.

During the concert I started thinking about our posts and your comments. Ah, I thought, this is success. But life isn't over yet and my childrens skeletons have not come to roost just as our have so I will still have to wait til life is over and my children are positive roll models before I can accept that idea.

Parenting is a bitch. We never know if our approach was right until late in life. I just hope and pray that my children do not constanly have to forgive me for screwing them up.

Marioshi,

After reading this post, you may wish we had gone to the pm.
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Old 07-24-2012, 07:08 AM
  #50  
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Originally Posted by tmv36830 View Post
Thanks for the comments guys. I have to say that I hope all of you have as good a relationship with your children as I do with mine. I made an agreement with my son when he was twelve years old and so far we have stuck to it. It went like this.

Son, you may ride your four wheeler and you may cut up on it and stretch your on limits and hone your skills but you must never ever cut up with someone else on it. If you want to take risks (I am a risk taker) you may do so but you cannot put someone else's health and well being at stake. If I ever catch you doing this I will sell your four wheeler and you may never ask to ride one again as long as you live under my roof.

I wish I could say that we never had to sell the four wheeler but sadly we did. He let his friend drive it one day and they ended up being chased by the sheriff. I asked if he remembered our conversation and he said absolutely and he understood that I would sell the four wheeler. Four years now and he has never asked to ride one again.


Much respect to you and your family, sir. I value family tremendously myself - as some people have said, seems like your son is a very smart and capable young man, I hope he enjoys whatever enters his life!
When he was learning to drive we made another deal and it goes like this. I will trust you with my vehicles until you prove to me that you cannot be trusted. I will do you one better. If you want to race, take it to the track. If you have taken it to the track and you break something or tear it up, I will simply come get you and we will repair them in time. If however I catch you cutting up or speeding on the highway or you get a ticket you may not drive my cars again until the day that you are independent and are paying your on way.

Guys don't get me wrong. I am not naive enough to think my child is perfect, and I expect for him to make some wrong choices. I am just hoping to minimize them. When I was coming up my dad would not allow me to do anything so I always had to sneak around and race or cut up. I want my son to do the things a teenager would do but I want him to know that I will support him as long as he is obeying the rules and laws.

Add our agreements to the fact that he is **** about his on vehicles and I am trusting him until proven otherwise.

Thanks
Much respect to you and your family, sir. I value family tremendously myself. As others have stated on here- your son seems like a very smart and capable young man with a great head on his shoulders, he must've learned well . Best of luck to him and whatever comes his way - as well as to the rest of you as well as your family.
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Old 08-21-2012, 09:13 PM
  #51  
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I wish my dad had an S2000. He likes cars but we never owned a sports car.
I live really far from home now, next time I see him I will let HIM drive my S.

Cool pics and thanks for sharing.
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